Just Pathetic

Honey's mother felt that after three years she needed to buy stuff for him for Christmas and despite never having met our daughter that she needed gifts as well. A pathetic attempt to bribe him into going to her house for the holidays and see her one more time before she apparently leaves for her new home about nine hours away. Also an attempt to drive a wedge between honey and I. It worked, kinda, at first.

We were on the same page regarding the stuff she bought for the baby. We both agreed that someone who has never met our child, nor spell her name correctly does not deserve to purchase anything for her. We quickly donated the stuffed animal and book to a Christmas charity. A little girl will at least have a nice Christmas at her expense. The clothing we returned, as she was kind enough to include a gift receipt, to purchase something else.

But the gifts for him were a different story. For whatever reason, he felt that "she was trying" and "he should give her a chance" despite knowing full well that these were basically blood gifts. That we could be liable for repaying her full value plus some ungodly form of interest compounded by the minute or something because we've been there and done that. He finally realized that it was incredibly strange that she did give him stuff, five separate gifts in fact, all but one of which was from both her and her new boyfriend. He finally got that she dropped off these gifts at his cousin's workplace because he knew that she would never be able to give them to him herself. And he finally got that he got more presents in one Christmas(this one) than he had gotten from her in our entire relationship.

So we opened them. There was a jacket that was too small and some sweaters that he would never wear. Again she was kind enough to include a gift receipt. I returned them today and realized she spent a rather astonishing amount of money. Money that we then spent on the baby and new pillows with some left over. I'm thinking new towels!

Something of a Fearful Countdown

In approximately one year from now we will by trying to have another baby. We want at least one more child and both of us feel that baby girl will make a great big sister. So why am I so afraid?

1.) Not having enough time for both children. This is probably my biggest fear. Right now I spend nearly all my free time with just one baby. I'm afraid that trying to split time between two children just won't work. I'm afraid that because we will likely only have baby girl in daycare only part-time, that our second child won't get the same one on one experience for the entire first year of life the way she did. And then once the second is a year old and I'll be back to work there will be even less time.

2.) Not getting new stuff. Seems trivial I know, but when we have another child, all the stuff from our first baby will go to the new one. This is particularly true if we have another girl(which I am positive that the baby will be as I feel we are only destined to have girls). My first babe, I made her into a little fashionista and all her things are in good shape. But I kind of feel bad that when both my daughters grow up and look at baby pictures, they won't be able to tell which one is which as they will both be dressed in the same stuff.

3.) The pregnancy itself. I had a great pregnancy with my first. I gained little weight, felt good, looked great and had no complications at all. I don't know if I can deal with a worse pregnancy and a toddler all at the same time.

4.) The birth itself. On paper, my labour and delivery looks fantastic and like a textbook. But when I go over it in my mind, there are many large problems. I absolutely do not ever want another hospital birth. But while I live in a city with a birth centre, there is a midwife shortage. No midwife will equal hospital birth.

5.) A breech baby. Where I am, a breech baby equals a c-section. A c-section is obviously a hospital birth, so like a doubly bad situation. Major abdominal surgery and separation from my baby and then possible sleepy, jaundiced baby with nursing trouble. I actually had a dream that I had a c-section for our second baby. I was discharged immediately after I was stitched back up and I never even got to see my new baby. We went back the next day only to have to fight to see her. Once we did, they were feeding her whole milk. *shudder, shudder, shudder*

6.) The baby. My first was a combination of a difficult baby and a dream. I don't want to compare my children but I know that it's all but an inevitability. I also have the morbid worry that my second will have health complications. I have one healthy, happy baby. For some reason, even though I have no reason to think this, I worry that my second will not be.

It's all so irrational. I have no reason to think these things, but I do. And it makes me sound like I'm trying to find an out so that I don't have to have another baby. But that is so not what I want. So frustrating that my brain thinks these things.

A Journey Ended

I feel compelled to post about this. If you look down to the blogs I follow, you'll see I am one of thousands that followed the journey of baby Anaya, a beautiful little girl with a rare illness called Infantile Krabbe Leukodystrophy, a terminal brain disease. Yesterday, she lost her battle and she passed away in her mother's arms at the tender age of two.

I've followed her story for about a year now. I first heard about it on a wedding/baby forum that I belong to when they were looking for donations of breast milk. I was not a pumping mom so I was unable to help but I do know someone who did. Hers was the first blog that I actually followed. In the past year she had her ups and downs as the degenerative disease progressed. She had been doing seemingly well the past few weeks. I felt so blindsided when I read on her Facebook page that they had been admitted to the hospital with what they thought was pneumonia. She had beaten it before, she still had some fight. I had hope for a little girl I had never even met.

Unfortunately, it was not so. With the advancement of her disease, her lungs kept collapsing. Without life support, she would die. They gathered the family and they let her go. I can't imagine having to make that choice. The pros and cons. Everyone wants just one more moment with the ones they love, but nobody wants to prolong their suffering. What a horrible decision to make to set her free when you so want her to stay.

I can safely say that I've never been so effected by what is going on in another family and to another child. I spent most of yesterday checking Facebook for constant updates on my BlackBerry. Such despair from thousands of others all across the world who had also never met the family, the number of followers went up by the minute. All joined together in grief for this family.

If there is one thing that I've learned from this amazing family, is to be ever thankful for my beautiful healthy little girl. To cherish each day with her, to love her just a little bit more, that life is extremely precious. So hug your own babies a little tighter. And remember baby Anaya and her struggle, but remember that she was pure love.

How Wrong Was I

Well for the most part, I was completely wrong. I really don't know how or why I was almost completely wrong, but I was. She was an angel. So this makes another person for whom my kidlet is Dr. Jekyl and I get Mr. Hyde. What.the.hell.

I firmly expected her to be fine on the way there, at least for the most part just as long as she had something to play with, snacks and water. Which she did. But they got there around nap time. She should have thrown the hissy fit a the century. Did she? Not even close. She should have thrown a hissy fit about lunch time. Again, not even close. I can say that while Subway would not have been my first choice for a lunch for a young toddler, it's better than the McNuggets that honey's friend suggested. At least her chicken was a roasted breast with cheese and veggies versus deep fried by-products. Course he gave her apple juice when water is her drink but I guess I have to take the fact that he stuck his ground on McDonalds.

She should have gotten annoyed that she was back in her car seat for nap time. Nope, she slept the whole way home. They didn't make it in time to pick me up from school so it was a very quiet boring bus ride for me. But at least I was right about something.

So I'd like to know, who is this kid and what has she done with my daughter. I guarantee you, had I taken this trip, my doomsday warning of this post would have come 100% to fruition.

Why Oh Why Won't He Listen?

Honey is currently on his way to a town about two hours away from here. On a highway. After a substantial amount of snow. With the baby. And it's currently lunchtime. And she is eating Cheerios. And it's half an hour away from naptime. But she isn't going to get to nap. Because he is going to stand around at some stupid auction with his best friend who feels it necessary to buy either more trucks and/or engines. Does anyone else see a potential issue here? I sure do!

I told him not to go. I told him that it would totally mess with her routine. But did he listen? Of freaking course not. The intelligent thing to do would be to listen to his wife. The mother of said non lunch eating, soon to be non napping baby. The person who knows this kid and her very edgy personality better than anyone in the world.

He is in for a real treat. I can already tell you it's going to be a disaster. She has been in her car seat since 8am when they dropped me off at school. He then drove to his friends place to pick him up. She never got out of the car. They are now on a two hour trek, which is taking longer than it should because the roads are terrible. A quick check of the government highway information website shows that at least half of the highway there is at least partly covered in ice with slippery sections. So this is not an easy cruise at 110 km/h.

I called him at noon(so about half an hour ago) to ask him if she was eating lunch. No, he answers, she is eating Cheerios, they haven't gotten there yet. So that means that she has been in her car seat, not sleeping he added, for about four hours now. That spells trouble. Serious trouble. Who knows how long this auction thing will last. She'll be sitting in her stroller, not moving for even lets say an hour. Good frigging luck. Seriously. I can't stop in the mall for 15 minutes to talk to someone before she gets pissed off. And he thinks he can stand in one place with a now likely tired toddler? Hilarious.

And what did I just realize? If it's taken them this long to get there, and if this auction lasts an hour(it could be longer I really don't know and neither does he), there is a distinct possibility that they aren't making it back in time to pick me up from school. More just great. It's a damn good thing that I brought my bus pass. Too bad my iPod is dying. I didn't bother to charge it. Really wishing I had now. It's a long hour home. And I wanted to go pick up my contact lenses. Guess that's not likely to happen now.

I told him not to go. I told him it would likely be a disaster. But did he listen? Of course not! He's smart! Right. Stay tuned for what ends up happening. I guarantee it wasn't pretty.

Utterly Miserable

It seems that something is getting the kidlet down. I'm not sure if it's her molars, her eye teeth, or if she has a virus or something. Maybe a combination of all of the above? Her sleep last night was atrocious. She woke up and stayed up at 3:45am. After an hour she went back down only to get up and stay up around 6:30am for the day. Now getting up at 6:30am has been part of her routine as of late so I can't say I was totally surprised about that. But she just didn't want to nap. She slept for maybe 20 minutes on the way to the bank. Considering that she sleeps for 2-3 hours at daycare, this was a total fail.

Not sleeping equals very angry baby. She was in a near constant state of freakout for most of the late afternoon. The good kind of freakout where she only accepts being held by me whilst standing. When you are trying to show your dad's girlfriend the floor plans for the houses that you and your husband are looking at for next year and holding a twenty some odd pound baby don't really mix.

So we put her down for another nap attempt. Amazingly, she fell asleep. Too bad it was soon supper time. Decision time. Wake her up for dinner? Let sleeping baby lie? We went with the wake up route. She ate maybe one third of her meal before she threw a huge fit and I took her to bed for the night where she is now peacefully sleeping.

We are set to have Thanksgiving dinner(at a hotel, don't ask) tomorrow. I really hope that she's feeling better. My grandparents will be crushed if we are no shows. Here is hoping.

Bad Blogger

I've been a bad blogger these past few days. Everything has just been so crazy. In a nutshell here is what has been happening.

Daycare- Still haven't heard from the 3rd place. I'll be calling her tomorrow actually. I almost wonder if I should give up hope that I haven't heard back from her yet. *sigh* If not, I still have the 2nd place to fall back on and I've added my name to more lists in the hopes of getting her somewhere else sooner rather than later. I'm still kicking myself that I didn't use her due date as her birthday and add my name onto lists when I was still pregnant.

Appointments- We have her first dentist appointment in about 1/2 hour. Hopefully it goes well. Then we have a one week reprieve before doctor's appointments for both of us.

School- I've paid my tuition in full and purchased all my textbooks online. I bought them from the college store as well as amazon. I have shipping notices for two of three orders. Just waiting for a shipping notice for my new purchases from amazon, but the used from amazon and the books from the college store were both shipped yesterday.

Other than that, my mat leave officially ends tomorrow and in less than a week, my baby girl turns one. Where the year has gone I have no clue. It's a good thing we are so busy this month or I think I'd just obsess over the fact that my baby isn't a baby anymore.

It's September

And that means that my little itty bitty baby girl will be turning one before I know it. Although she's not a baby anymore. As I type this she is walking over to the couch to visit one of the cats. She is a little person.

September also means the end of my maternity leave and the start of daycare. It's also a busy month in the sense that I have four appointments set up for us. She has a dentist appointment and a doctor's appointment and I have two doctor's appointments. So lots going on. Then at the end of the month we have her birthday party and hubby and I have a date night planned. It also means that I should be hearing from my college for payment and my schedule and ID. Busy, busy.

So busy, that the month is going to fly by faster than the eleven previous to it and then I'll be back in school. Wow. I'm not ready for this.

Newest Daycare Dilema

So I thought I had it all sorted out. As it turns out, possibly not so much. I got a phone call from a DHP today. She might have a spot for the baby, but it depends on whether or not she chooses to take two pre-schoolers or one pre-schooler and an infant.

She basically called to find out what I meant by the fact that I'd need late care. I really, probably don't. As long as the place is near enough to hubby's work, he could have her picked up between 4-4:30. This place is actually less than 5 minutes away from the yards.

But this would be my 3rd dayhome I'd be going through. I feel so conflicted on what to do and I don't even know for sure if I could get the baby into the 3rd place.

I went from having no place to put her to apparently too many places.

Swimming Lesson Registration Gong Show

This is my second session registering for swimming lessons. First time was such a mess. I had pre-registered myself for online registration. After about two hours I was finally able to access the online registry. The I found out that they only added me and not the baby. So I had to go in person and wait for another hour because I couldn't get through via phone.

So I knew better this time around. It still took nearly an hour to get online. And almost every weekend class was filled. I was able to get my name on the wait list for a few of them. I do have her registered in a class, it's just not ideal. But I guess it's better than nothing.

Family Fun

Today we took a family trip to the local Children's Museum. They have just recently renovated and re-opened with all new exhibits. There were two in particular I wanted to see, the train and the tiny tots area.

We first hit the tiny tots area. It's a little section specifically for those under the age of two! There is a little gate and the floor is totally padded and all the toys are the perfect height for an older baby or young toddler. Sensory toys are a big hit with her any day of the week so she was enthralled by some little bells. Much fun for a little girl just exploring her world. And just as fun for us to watch.

Next was the train. Hubby happens to work for the same rail company that this refurbished locomotive ran for and is apparently now a walking train encyclopedia. I got a mechanic lesson whilst the baby got to enjoy touching the valves and walking along the side. She also go to sit in the conductor's chair. I was a bit sad to see that the former dining car has been transformed into what I'm not sure. But the locomotive itself was still for the most part the same as it was when I was a kid. Except this time I went with someone who fixes them for a living ;)

There were still many parts of the museum that aren't fit for little kids. There is a large play structure, some water tables and a building area that are too big for her. But soon enough she will want to play there.

It was $20 for the three of us(with girlie still being under one she was free) and while some may think for only being able to use about 1/4 of the museum it wasn't worth it. But we disagree. It was a chance for us to do something as a family. And it's a place where she could explore and experience things she's never experienced before. We don't feel we can put a price on what our kids learn. We have a very adventurous little girl and we don't want to stifle that.

An Almost Full-Time Walker

It's been a few weeks since our no longer a baby baby took her very first steps. Took a bit, but she is getting more confident every day. While she still prefers to crawl as it's faster, she is toddling around without even thinking about it. Pretty cool!

But now I'm concerned for how much longer I can keep her confined in a stroller or shopping cart without her wanting to get out and walk on her own. If we are in a baby clothing store, she wants to get out and play not just sit. The logistics of grocery shopping with a toddler who would rather walk than sit in the cart escape me.

Frightening how fast she is growing up.

Busy Days

Today we went to a festival in the country. I figured it would be a good change of pace for us and it was somewhere I wanted to go anyway. SO MUCH FUN!

All the people that the baby was able to see and hear, it was really good for her. We were able to buy some fresh corn and we checked out the petting zoo. Our girlie loves animals so I figured she would enjoy it. Well not only did she enjoy it, she cried when we had to leave. She got to see lambs, goats, chickens and bunnies. Love that she loves animals!

Summer is coming to an end, so I'm really glad that her and I are able to do things like this together.

Is It Illegal to Sell an 11 Month Old?

I really want to.

I'm on my last nerve with this kid. She's whiny, won't nap and ever so clingy. I'm in desperate need of a break.

And now I'm seriously concerned about how she is going to do with daycare. She is a super fun and adventurous little girl, but at the same time, she is really demanding. I've heard stories of dayhome providers giving their two weeks notice to parents because they just can't deal with the child. If that happened I don't know what we would do. Or after two weeks it's just not working for us and we pulled her out.

I've tried calling the two daycare centres that I would love to get her into. No spots for the foreseeable future. And not only is that annoying in an of itself, but I feel so misled by these places that seemed to think I could get in within a few months.

So stressed.

Shoes

So we went shoe shopping today, the baby and I. Everyone needed new shoes. I need a new pair of black heeled boots for winter, hubby needed runners and my girlie needed rubber boots(and any other cute shoe I might come across)

First stop, for the baby. Seeing as she is now a walker and adventurous at that, I figured it would be best to have some rubber boots for the fall. But I looked pretty much everywhere and even online. I found some online but they were SO expensive for something that was only going to be worn for a month of two. I had all but given up actually. But I ran into a store and happened to come across them, on sale to boot. At first I thought they were probably too big, but nope size 5! Super cute leopard print with pink trim. Love em!

Then for hubby. I found a cheap pair of runners that were also on sale. He doesn't need anything fancy and he's not that hard on his shoes. They'll work.

Then there is me. Store after store there was nothing. The one pair that I eventually found that looked right didn't feel right. So I go home empty handed. It's apparently too difficult to ask for a pair of black leather boots that go up at least an inch over the ankle with at least a slightly chunky heel with either a square or pointed toe.....sigh

Dreams and I Know My Kid Better Than You

Since having a baby, my dreams have gone incredibly weird. Not only are they weird, but they seem to have various elements of the truth to them. People I know and situations that have or very well could happen. Cue my dream last night.

We(mostly me) have some very different ideas and philosophies on parenting. And we know we have a very capable little girl. We know when she needs us. But in my dream, my grandmother was throwing a fit because I hadn't gone to pick up the baby from her crib. Then she had someone go get her against my explicit instructions.

So my point to this. Every time we have some sort of family thing we(I) get questioned or second guessed. I'm really not a fan of this. The last baby in the family was me. Lots has changed in well over twenty years. The next family gathering(barring someone dying) will be our little girl's first birthday. I'm already in a small panic over what we could end up with in terms of birthday presents. I'm worried about what might be said about how we parent in our very own home. 

I know my kid better than anyone in the world. I know her strengths and her weaknesses. I know when she is hurt and when she is just crying from shock. And I don't like when people concern themselves about it. And I come from a family of sort of busy body type people. Should be interesting.

Busy Phone Day

This morning I mostly spent on the phone trying to get things organized for September. It's going to be a busy month with lots of appointments and starting the baby at daycare. I already had an appointment booked for my IUD and I already had an appointment booked for her 12 month shots. But her appointment was at a time that I intend on having her in daycare so that just wasn't going to work for me. So I changed it.

Then I wanted to have her first dentist appointment as well. It's free until the age of three here. I have hugely massive issues with dentists. I honestly terrified of them and it stems back to when I was 3-4 years old and I was told point blank that I would need surgery because my jaw doesn't line up. Very scary to me, and it's stuck with me 20 years later. We have a kid centred dentistry practise here. While they are 20% more expensive than a traditional dentist, even one who accepts children like my own does, it's worth it to me to have someone who just, and as such knows, how to deal with kids. Booking that appointment went well and there won't be any conflicts with other appointments or daycare.

Then I had to send an email. I needed to contact the original dayhome that we were going to send the baby to and tell her we would no longer be needing her. That was interesting, "breaking up" with someone who we've not used. We'll see if she emails me back or not.

The rest of August is just going to disappear. Then September will be so busy, October and school for me starts. Then the snow will fly. Then it will be 2012! Time just flies by.

She Can Walk!

My little girl is a big girl and she can walk all on her own! I'm so proud, she is so proud, it's just so amazing. She's still not that steady on her feet and she can only take a few steps at a time before she falls, but it's a start. Such an exciting time to watch her learn and explore.

My baby isn't a baby anymore.

Party Planning Redux

I know it's early, but I'm really getting into planning my baby bunny's first birthday party. Invites are ordered and I'm just waiting on the final draft to be emailed to me for my approval and her birthday banner is on the way. I've planned out the fairly simple menu and even bought the hot dog buns today because I got a fantastic deal on them and they can live in the freezer. Her birthday dress is hanging in her closet and I made some practise cupcakes yesterday whilst waiting for hubby to finish my brakes.

I feel fairly prepared, but still feel like there is so much to do. I found a website that offers a tutorial at making poms which I am going to make into bunny tails. Hubby thinks I'm nuts, but oh well.You only turn one once, and I want this to be a very special day. But I think he has accepted that a lot of what I've done over the past 10.5 months was done for me. Just because she won't remember, I still will.

Party Planning

I'm doing pretty well in the birthday party planning. I have all my ideas in my head and have started to collect what I need. But I'm newly stuck on something....the date.

We were going to have it on September 18. It's a Sunday so hubby won't be at work. It's after her actual date of birth. All seemed well. Then I realized it's the same day that a concert I want to go to for our anniversary. Same time? Of course not. But do I really want to have to rush through her party then rush to get the kid to sleep so we can rush across town to get there?

I wrote about it late last night on a forum I belong to. It seemed obvious enough what I should do. But now as I read the responses thus far, it's the opposite. Interesting to say the least.

I think I'm going to go with my gut on this one and go for the next weekend. It's not like we've told anyone the date yet. I guess I'm lucky I realized what day it was now and not later!