In approximately one year from now we will by trying to have another baby. We want at least one more child and both of us feel that baby girl will make a great big sister. So why am I so afraid?
1.) Not having enough time for both children. This is probably my biggest fear. Right now I spend nearly all my free time with just one baby. I'm afraid that trying to split time between two children just won't work. I'm afraid that because we will likely only have baby girl in daycare only part-time, that our second child won't get the same one on one experience for the entire first year of life the way she did. And then once the second is a year old and I'll be back to work there will be even less time.
2.) Not getting new stuff. Seems trivial I know, but when we have another child, all the stuff from our first baby will go to the new one. This is particularly true if we have another girl(which I am positive that the baby will be as I feel we are only destined to have girls). My first babe, I made her into a little fashionista and all her things are in good shape. But I kind of feel bad that when both my daughters grow up and look at baby pictures, they won't be able to tell which one is which as they will both be dressed in the same stuff.
3.) The pregnancy itself. I had a great pregnancy with my first. I gained little weight, felt good, looked great and had no complications at all. I don't know if I can deal with a worse pregnancy and a toddler all at the same time.
4.) The birth itself. On paper, my labour and delivery looks fantastic and like a textbook. But when I go over it in my mind, there are many large problems. I absolutely do not ever want another hospital birth. But while I live in a city with a birth centre, there is a midwife shortage. No midwife will equal hospital birth.
5.) A breech baby. Where I am, a breech baby equals a c-section. A c-section is obviously a hospital birth, so like a doubly bad situation. Major abdominal surgery and separation from my baby and then possible sleepy, jaundiced baby with nursing trouble. I actually had a dream that I had a c-section for our second baby. I was discharged immediately after I was stitched back up and I never even got to see my new baby. We went back the next day only to have to fight to see her. Once we did, they were feeding her whole milk. *shudder, shudder, shudder*
6.) The baby. My first was a combination of a difficult baby and a dream. I don't want to compare my children but I know that it's all but an inevitability. I also have the morbid worry that my second will have health complications. I have one healthy, happy baby. For some reason, even though I have no reason to think this, I worry that my second will not be.
It's all so irrational. I have no reason to think these things, but I do. And it makes me sound like I'm trying to find an out so that I don't have to have another baby. But that is so not what I want. So frustrating that my brain thinks these things.
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